Romantic Ideas

The words "hot and bothered" may spark images of twisted sheets and breathlessly reaching out to the one you love for most people. But if you have a chronic illness, "hot" likely refers to a thyroid condition, night sweats, or a heating pad on high. "Bothered" is everything else that happens in bed. Like achy joints that pop when you roll over, a cat that insists on sleeping on your leg, or a spouse who snores through thunder and lightening. Romance may be hard to find in your home!

Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce. But romantic ideas don't have to be used just on Valentine's Day.

So, how can you add back some of that spark? I've got some romantic ideas that will tell your hubby "I love you" even when you are in chronic pain.

Put forth some effort. No more excuses. "I'm so exhausted, I don't feel that great. My body feels like it was run over by a truck." I've said them all. But guess what? If you have an illness you'll probably always be tired in a way normal people aren't tired. So put on some music and relax. The distraction of romance can make you forget about a great deal of the pain!

Make romance a priority in your house! Rather than cleaning your house all day and mopping those floors, take a nap so that you have some quality time with your spouse that night. Make sure he feels valued and important and not just "one more thing to take care of."

Be enthusiastic during your romantic evening. Even if you're just going out for dinner, don't say, "I'm doing this just for you. I don't really feel like it." (Oh, yeah, that will turn him on.) Smile and talk about pleasant memories or dreams you have. Promise yourself not to talk about your illness for just one night.

Poetry can be over-rated, so don't worry about being eloquent. Instead, just write some of the things you love and appreciate about your spouse in a mini-photo album, or frame your favorite photo on a large matte and write your favorite memories of that event around it.

Make a list of all the things you notice he does that you don't usually thank him for: taking out the garbage, getting you medication in the middle of the night, giving your child a bath, cleaning out the litter box. Type out a sheet of all of this stuff in fun fonts and different colors.

Women, get out of the grandma section of underwear and buy something red, black or anything that doesn't have waist bands wider than an inch. Stop being so self-conscious.

Text message him something daring or outrageously romantic that you would have said when you first fell in love. Back before text-messaging existed.

Design some simple home-made coupons for something he would enjoy but typically wouldn't do because he feel he needs to take care of you or just spend time with you. For example, "Good for 5 guilt-free hours with your friends watching baseball." Don't even make him feel badly for doing things you can't do like taking a hike or going for a roller coaster ride.

Perfect marriages will never exist, but a even a marriage that has an illness can be a huge blessing and not just a state of survival. Romance comes in many ways. I remember loving my husband more than ever the night I couldn't not move because of a rheumatoid arthritis flare. I "slept" sitting on the couch and he spent the night on the floor beside the couch to comfort me every time I screamed from the pain.

Love comes in many forms. One of the books I've bought all the couples in my life is "Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs" by Emerson Eggerichs. Men often feel loved when they are respected, women want to feel loved. Usually we are offering our spouse what we wan't, not what they need. Being aware of all of the little things we do each day that give one another love and respect, add up to romance when you least expect it.